the bad dominicana

and i dont own a blow dryer anymore coz i hate them. and i never use them.

heat will do you in (though i may need one now w the cold). thats prolly the only reason i have hair left. coz i have been so damn lazy about it. thats pretty much the only reason i texlax it and leave it nappy and poofy at this point. coz its easy as fuck. easier than anything else ive tried (and ive done it all). only thing easier was not having any hair LOL (i think it will be 6 years in december, since i shaved it all off w a razor to see what it would look like nappy coz i was in my 20’s and still had no clue?! i feared it so much.)

but the 15 minute detangling sessions still get to me. id rather not do shit lol but whatever la belleza duele. my mom thinks im nuts for finding 2 hours under a hooded dryer to be totally outrageous now. when i used to do it along w the rest of them religiously every week.

hair. when youre a black girl that shit is such a mission no matter what you do or dont do. even if its not physical work, the scrutiny will do you in. you cant not have hair (willow)…if you have an afro they will scoff and say you look dirty. if you relax it and your edges dont look like you’ve got naturally pin-straight hair, you have failed at life.

you are only right if you got silky hair. and it has to be long too.

women of other races can have shorter hair and still be women. black women have to have ankle length hair to be sorta womanish but not really. coz its prolly fake.

i mean even when i had a 4 inch afro, i had people asking if it was real. its like im not supposed to have any hair at all. and when i shaved it, i was asked if i was mentally ill and treated like shit by alot of people who *love* me. they acted like i was lucky they bared w me, when i dared give up the only thing that even remotely made me a woman. they compared it to me cutting off my breasts.

but note, i can have hair like any woman but a black one. and its ok. any other woman will be a woman. nappy hair is just irredeemable. unless you have a whole lot of it. and then people are in awe of it like your mane is its own separate animal. wearing your hair as it is= hypervisibility. for better or worse. a barrage of compliments and insults and stares of all sorts.

to be *normal* and *good* we are supposed to be anything but black.